What's the deal with Chinese take out bills? Have you ever ordered Chinese food with a friend and paid for it yourself with the intentions of sorting out the money later? Cause I have. And it's ridiculous! It's all in chinese! How the fuck am I supposed to know which symbol means: Chicken with Broccoli? Isn't this America? I'm sorry, I thought this was America.
I'd like to give Steve a bunch of credit on this next one.
It seems to me like Visine should really embrace a significant portion of their customers. Potheads. Why am I standing in CVS for 10 minutes trying to figure out which Visine product will diminish my stoner eyes? Let's see there's Visine - Original, Visine - AC, Visine - Tears... why can't they just have "Visine - Pothead". I mean, at least then I'd know I'm buying the right shit. I'm thinking of creating my very own line of drug-use concealing products. "Mega Drug Drops." I can have everything from "Mega Drug Drops - Marijuana" to "Mega Drug Drops - Methamphetamines" and "Ultra Mega Drug Drops - Crack Edition".
It's not a huge secret when I'm Duane Reade buying Visine, Febreeze, and the biggest bag of gummi bears they sell there. I'd have no reservations about placing a bright green "Visine - POTHEAD" on the counter with a stupid grin.
Do you know how much Space Junk is just out there floating around the Earth? A shit-ton. It's all just floating out there, orbiting in a big ring around the Earth at around 50,000 mph. It's debris from space launches, satellites, pretty much all the crap we've sent up there. Yes it's insanely dangerous to astronauts.
So now that you know this, don't you wish some of it would just fall down and crush something owned by someone you hate? I would feel no remorse if I learned that a huge fucking hunk of metal from a 1970's rocket landed on Paris Hilton's giant house. I genuinely don't want anyone to be injured, but how awesome would that be? Stupid Paris Hilton is just coming home to her stupid whore house somewhere, with all her stupid whore friends and stupid whore luxuries... and a giant fucking hunk of careening metal blazes down from the sky and slams into her multi-million dollar house turning the whole thing into a giant flaming crater of inferno. I want her to watch it happen.
She'd scream: "WHY???!"
and you'd know why.
-b
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